Boston is Funny...

Good Morning Class, my name is Mr. Riley and I’ll be your substitute teacher. It’s an honor for me to be stepping in for Mrs. Phillips’ tenth grade AP American History today.

Well, I’m not so sure what is so funny about that, but I’ll take what I can get I guess. I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret; I went to this very school eleven years ago. That’s right; I was just like you guys not that long ago, sitting at those very desks.

Although I must say you are an eclectic looking bunch.

Ok, so who can tell me where Mr. Phillips left off?

Really? He was talking about the dangers of talking to strangers? You guys are fucking with me, right? I get it, pick on the substitute. I’m not an idiot though. Seriously, what chapter are you guys on?

You in the second row wearing the mittens. What chapter are you on?

Chapter two-thousandy-seven, huh? Fucking wise-ass. You in the fourth row with the helmet, what was last night homework assignment?

To tell your mother you loved her? What the fuck! Ok, jokes over you morons. Quit acting like a bunch of retards. You guys are supposed to be the smartest kids at that school, start acting like it.

Hey, Big Bird T-shirt, are you drooling? Cut the shit dude.

You know what? I’m going to give an oral pop quiz. If you get the question wrong you get an F for the day. Understood?

Here we go. Blue sweat-suit in the third row; who was the Confederate General during the Civil War?

George. That is your answer? George? George who? Fuck it; you’re getting an F, dickhead. What’s your name? George. You’re name is George? You’re trying my patience here folks.

Can anyone tell me who the Confederate General was? Christ. This is an advanced history class? Our education system is going completely to shit.

Girl in the back with the thick glasses and buzz cut, you got an answer?

Hello? Cat got your tongue? What the fuck do you mean she doesn’t talk, George?

You know what shy girl; you just got yourself an F for the day too. How do you like that Helen Keller?

You, Shaq look alike, you got an answer? Bubble gum, huh? F.

How about you tiny head? No, the Earth is wrong, but good one. F.

Alright this little charade is over, ok? Let’s call a truce. I appreciate your commitment here guys, and if I wasn’t the butt of the joke, I’d compliment the brilliance of the whole thing. But let’s get to work, ok?

Yes, can I help you?

Are you Mr. Riley?

Yes?

I’m afraid you’re in the wrong class. I’m Mizz Sullivan and this is my special ed class. You should be two doors down on the left.

Oh… Oh! I’ve said some terrible things about retards.

Oh, well I wouldn’t worry too much. Their memory isn’t very good. Isn’t that right class?

Yes, Mizzzzzz Sull-i-van.

Say goodbye to Mister Riley.

Good-bye Mis-ter Ri-ley.

So, class what did Mr. Riley talk to you about? Yes Michael?

He was asking us about Robert E. Lee, but we were fucking with him because he’s a substitute teacher. Timmy was even drooled a little.

Filed under: Today in Boston

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